The following is a work of fiction intended for adult entertainment. The author declares it a work of public domain for free use in whole or in part, both in story and characters, in any and all medium. Rook.

Autumn approaches and once again the thrill of Halloween chills our bones with delightful macabre bumps and bites where dread is laid into mocking flights of fantasy and wonder. This year, terrible as it was to so many and a grim struggle for all, seems to just beg for parties and fun stories to tell. So I have tried to come up with some quick fun stories with some new hopefully fun characters which with luck will go on to populate the wonderful Mr. X universe of superheroes and villains and not be too bothersome in the process.

That said, these characters were inspired by another great poser artiest and wonderful kind person who posts under the name; Rickyjava. I have always loved Rickyjava’s large busted women and large penis males, so iconic in their imagery and yet so lovingly done and personable in their creation, a skill shared with Mr. X! His women also share Mr. X’s tendency to make his women not only believable unique individual persons despite the tongue in cheek cliquishness of necessity that occurs when one is working on the fringes of parody, but also strong willed sexual aggressive women who despite the chloroform reeking rags and ball gag mouths are far from victims but more like some tragic flawed Shakespearian character who stumbles bowed inevitably by their own invisible hand. That and he has the same wicked puckish sense of humor that adds that light touch were so many other artiest of late have been subsuming to increasingly darker and darker images, so I feel confident that even though these characters are from a slightly different well spring, they will fit in aptly, shoulder to shoulder, breast to breast, with the mighty heroines the magical Mr. X site herein contains.

Besides, Mr. X usually gives us a stunning ‘Shooby-Doo’ parody every year around the haunting season and I simply can’t compete against that with another lame ‘Screw Me Too!’ attempt of my own limited endeavors! Ha! So I hope everyone enjoys these and has a great autumn! Rook.

THE SHAY HAPPENS SHORT STORIES

SHAY HAPPENS in “SHAY HAPPENS IMP-PERILED!”

To the passing outsider, had their been one, to fathom the exacting nature as to why the little known small niche woefully under financed esoteric tiny sore thumb back burner government left over tattered fringe crumb of its hey day big budget swelling pork belly projects program should reside as some forgotten relic of lost empire in a dilapidated brownstone in a neighborhood of derelict and condemned buildings would have been a puzzling quandary. For the “Paranormal Investigation & Eradications Squad” (P.I.E.S.) had always resided in the same old crumbling brownstone building and it had always been situated in the same condemned ruinous and abandoned neighborhood next to the heavily polluted factory runoff cannels and the near by now closed nuclear power plant which had forced out the entire civilian population back in the seventies when it had vented radioactive steam in a near meltdown accident.

But it was no mystery to Shay Happens, the current head of P.I.E.S. She knew that the building and the entire organization its self had been bequeathed in sorts by the former owner of the brownstone in the early sixties. A Mr. Waterhouse, once owner of several of the original factories in the immediate area and an avid collector and investigator of all things paranormal.

Mr. Waterhouse had by the mid 1920’s formed his own paranormal task squad which he headed and spanned the globe in search of the strange and unusual. He had amassed a wealth of documentation and artifacts and adventures, and by his death in the 1940’s he left his entire estate and wealth to the government for the sole purpose of continuing his paranormal team in interest of national security and scientific exploration of the unknown mysteries or present and past civilizations.

The government had gleefully taken the old loons money and spent it on everything but furthering the paranormal globe trotting of Waterhouse’s small task force. Instead, it left them alone in the brownstone and paid them a small yearly pension as legally required and tossed occasional files of nut cases and hoaxes into their rusting mail box. Until by the time Shay had found employment at the trash and weed choked crumbling building in the late nineties only a few withering agents were left sitting amongst the piles of yellowing cardboard boxes of files and clippings and mountains of books which had to be carefully weaved through in landmine cautious picked steps down each and every hallway and creaking stair case.

With the retirement of the last male agent in 2000, Shay found herself both the inheritor of the forgotten institute and its sole surviving member. Through grim unblinking determination and against the walls of government red tape, Shay managed to keep the little paranormal department open, using some of the governments own red tape against them, in the form of Mr. Waterhouse’s will which the government had so readily made into a secession of legal documents to keep their hands in the till, in the process. Shay not only managed to keep the department running but managed to handle and solve several high profile cases all on her own, using her unique heightened senses for detecting paranormal activities to do so.

Though still under funded and trapped in a legal loophole that requires her to keep the P.I.E.S. based in the old brownstone, Shay has managed over the recent years to add to her staff several fulltime investigators and numerous on the call part-time agents. Because the brownstone is haunted by both several of the relics collected over the past decades and apparently by the lecherous ghost of Mr. Waterhouse himself?! Shay has found that these poltergeists spirits will now only tolerate females in their shared abode, and so she has out of necessity quietly implemented a policy of women only in her hiring for the ‘P.I.E.S.’ positions.

These women in turn, have to be not only unique enough as to possess the rare Aphrodite gene that has activated it’s self in the still even very rare aspect of endeavoring supernatural powers of the mind and mysticism rather than the more common physical powers of strength, agility, and speed. But do to the omnipresent lusting specters who dwell in their fixed abode, these women must come to terms with being constantly pinched, pawed, groped, mauled, fingered, rubbed, and molested by dozens of horny spirits that wander the brownstone mazes of halls and rooms! Not something usually fond on a resume!

Still Shay was beginning to see her misfit squad starting to be taken a bit more seriously by the male dominated agencies around her and the old fashioned wooden telephone in the great hall once covered with cob webs and dust now seemed to ring everyday with some new mystery for her and her team to solve!

Shay Happens, standing six foot six in her four inch stiletto heels, paused in her tight black pencil mini-skirt that clung to her full round pert behind, and placing a hand on her narrow black belted waist, picked off a piece of lint from her white dress blouse. She had but little choice in leaving much of her shirt unbuttoned as all Aphrodite gene women who were endowed with spiritual powers rather than physical powers were markedly much larger in the bust than their fist shaking counterparts, as well as much larger in their lusts! as the same physical powerhouses of punch and kick Aphrodite gene super heroines would whisper behind a gauntlet gloved hand and smirk!

Shay knew that was just jealousy of course upon all those cotton headed muscle bound super sluts and that it was surly normal for a woman to masturbate thirty times a day? It was definitely normal for her and all handpicked co-workers! Who all shared her trait of beach ball sized breasts and untamed lusts.

Shay gave her cleavage a satisfied smile, she had stopped wearing a bra when she had started bursting G-cups at thirteen just about the time her Aphrodite gene had kicked in and the growth spurts had really started! Her breasts had remained firm and perky and she saw no reason to try and contain such mighty forces of constant motion! They jiggled even when she breathed!

Shay tore her gaze off her stupendous orbs and reached up to remove a pen from the tight bun she habitually wore her long blonde hair in, and adjusted her horn rimmed black glasses upon her small nose in front of her large baby blue eyes, she removed a small pad of paper from her deep shoulder to navel spanning cleavage and waited with small wet mouth slightly open.

Shay’s precognitive powers were limited and unpredictable, buy uncanny. She readily could ‘sense’ the future, but it was often items of questionable value, such as wither it was going to rain tomorrow or wither it would be unwise to order the shellfish or… “RRRRIINNNNNGGGG!!!” wither the old crank handle telephone in the great hall was about to ring.

Brahma, the young girl who Shay had rescued from a cult sacrifice in India and who possessed the unpredictable ability to transmute substance and levitate herself, came jiggling into the main hall from one of the paper avalanche wedged open doors to answer it. Her massive breasts swinging wildly upon her lithe small frame. She picked up the hand receiver and half shouted into the cracked black plastic mouth piece mounted upon the wooden box of the phone. After a few minutes Brahma hung up the shot glass shaped receiver upon its y-shaped gold metal cradle and walked over to a series of brass pipes lining the near by wall. She popped off a large metal cover slotted and attached to the pipe with a small chain and blew sharply into the opening. Three stories above in a cluttered room, Shay reached for the whistling brass pipe and removed the slotted metal cover. Shay leaned over and yelled into the pipe, “Yes! What did they want?!” One of the red tape provisions the government had implemented in its endless attempts to close down the P.I.E.S. was that in response to the goverment not being able to demolish the brownstone headquarters and shut down the department housed therein, said department could not repair nor upgrade nor make any said improvements to the building which had been built with the latest technologies of the late 1920’s!

As Shay now leaned her ear over the brass tube to hear Brahma’s distant shouting voice, her raised up firm shapely ass suddenly felt the distinctive hard slap of Mr. Waterhouse’s impressive twenty five inch erect cock! The meaty thwack! Startled Shay despite herself, there are after all some things a woman never quiet gets use to no matter how many thousands of times she is endured to it! Shay reached between her slightly straddled legs and gave the large ball sack of the lecherous ghost a nasty squeezing twist!

Shay had no special parlor room party trick abilities as the other P.I.E. agents she had gathered over the years possessed, she couldn’t levitate, or saunter through walls, or read minds from a mile away, or open locks with a nod, but what she could do, that none of the others could do, was see with varying degrees of success into the paranormal world of spirits and ghosts and physically touch them! As the squeals of pain from the floating blue glowing torso of Mr., Waterhouse could readily attest!

“Not now,” Shay hissed over her shoulder at the ghost! “I’m busy!” Shay watched the whining apparition, still clutching its ballooning nut sack whining and mumbling float away to vanish into the nearby wall. She rolled her eyes and frowned after the ghost, then clicked her tongue and suppressed a giggle as she struggled to catch up to what Brahma was yelling to her. As she jotted down the message with her pen upon her note pad her determined focused frown never left her beautiful face.

Shay took her job seriously. In fact one could say she was obsessive when it came to problem solving, in fact she was prone to being so absorbed in studying the minute detail of some small clue that she often failed to notice the strikingly obvious no matter how dangerous a threat it was until it was too late. Luckily for the plucky young girl her quick mind could often construct a way for her out of all those traps she seemed to so blindly stumble into, but usually not until after she had been sexually molested by either a supernatural monster or else some guy in a sheet! Half the cases that fell across her paper strewn desk were ultimately hoaxes or rumors. But Shay treated everyone of her assignments with the utmost seriousness and dedication to her task as the head of P.I.E.S.!

As such, Shay had called all the available member agents who happened to be in the headquarters building to assemble in her office as soon as possible. This she achieved by turning the large metal crank on an old air raid siren bolted to the corner of her desk. Within minutes, the room filled with P.I.E. agents who appeared from hidden passages, trap doors, and even the open door to the main hallway beyond.

“We have a new mission, girls.” Shay seriously intoned as she nodded and noted who was currently there and thus available for the assignment. This was important as their were no lap tops, internet, nor even cell phones allowed on the brownstone grounds less they violate the government contract and give the politicians the ready means they so desired to shut down the agency and free up what remaining funds still lay untouchable to them in the last set aside ‘operations’ budget trust fund millions! Of which a small interest endowment was pealed off each year for the agents salaries themselves! So calling on additional agents for a case who were not currently in the brownstone its self meant a four block walk through the torn up streets and piles of rubble to the nearest phone located in a non-English speaking Arabic deli. As the large wooden box phone downstairs in the main hall could only receive an incoming call from the head office of Home Land Security and could not call out!

Shay had four agents at her disposal today (counting herself!). There was Brahma, the thin lithe blue skinned orphan teenager from India who lived in the brownstone along with Shay. She had great powers having been raised in the realm of daemons for the purpose of a cross over sacrifice, but to use her powers she had to channel the demons into herself and the greater the power she needed to use the more powerful the demon she had to summon, and the results were always unpredictable at best! She stood before the corner of Shay’s desk, her small arms folded under her enormous breasts, looking confused, uncomfortable, and about to cry as she always did.

Slightly behind her , slouched in an over stuffed chair nestled with books was the illiterate Olivion. Olivion wore black all the time and would have been easily labeled a ‘goth’ save she lacked the tattoos and piercing. As such she was much more ‘emo’ than ‘goth’ lacking the hard edge of the ‘goth’ and always wore a pained expression on her beautiful dark African features. She was skilled in the craft of Voodoo and could converse easily with the undead and summon ghosts and zombies to do her bidding. She too had the thin frame and large beach ball sized breasts which singularly marked out the Aphrodite gene heroine whose powers were set in the metaphysical abilities rather than the physical combat based powers. She tended to snarl rather than talk but however lazy and lax and stand-offish she may have appeared she took great pride in never letting her team mates down! Olivion had been a high priestess of her professed religion as well as the last surviving member of a royal family after the betrayal and slaughter of her mother and father upon one of the islands of the West Indies. Shay had found Olivion hunting down slavers who she had been sold to but escaped from after her families murders in the uprising and assisted her in the task. Every since Olivion stopped in now and again as she wandered the world.

Standing slightly by herself to Shay’s right was Inez. Inez was a red headed pale freckled green eyed witch. She was a master of charms and hexes and spent most of her time in the uncharted bogs and marshes of Ireland, though an Ireland that was half spiritual plane and not easily discernable to most humane eyes and not readily recognizable to many. She had been staying at the brownstone of late as there was some on going disturbance in the spectral planes and she was researching the horde of scholarly works that had been amassed in the old brownstone. Inez was also young and beautiful and bountiful in her bosom, but unlike the others in the room she did not wear easily recognizable street clothes but wore a tight bustier of emerald sheen and a few flounces of semi-transparent gauze and little else. She was always accompanied by her familiar, a rather large paunchy toad who walked around on his hind legs smoking a long thin winding serpentine gold pipe and who went by the name, ’Tod Boggins’. Tod Boggins could stare at a person and briefly take possession of them, which had been useful in past cases, but he was a vain and obstinate creature much like his mistress and not to be entirely trusted!

Of the three gathered, only Brahma was an official agent of P.I.E. The other two could be called part-time roster agents at best. And all three women tended to be skilled in the more magical arts and less the mental psychic abilities which most of the full time P.I.E. agents possessed, but they were all that was on hand and Shay rapidly made use of them.

“This mission is local. Just outside of the city suburbs themselves and proposes no undue risk in its initial reporting.” Shay adjusted her glasses upon her small nose which seemed unable to keep them from constantly slipping down and with her best no-nonsense authoritative voice continued the briefing.

“I’m expecting all of you, as per our agreement, to join in and assist in the initial investigation. We will leave the base and use Inez teleport ability to take us to the nearby garage (six blocks away) where we store the P.I.E. mobile, it is just within her range. From there we will drive to the site in question and begin our investigations.”

“Vat iz ve investigate?” Olivion slowly drawled as her long finger nail tapped her perfect small white sharp teeth.

“The report is of a disturbance of a supernatural degree.” The eyes about her blinked at her and Shay deflated a bit in her shoulders as she continued with something akin to a slight whine growing in her voice. “Okay, some farmer called the local police and said some old woman put a hex on his pigs! Awe, com on guys! You know the rules, we have to investigate any and all cases the higher ups field to us, unless we are working on something else! And they know we just finished the Yeti case over a week ago! We have to do this! Please!”

“Some farmers pigs?” Inez mumbled. Brahma began to giggle.

“The files say, that this area has had numerous supernatural activities over the past decades and this may very well be another in a string of such incidents.” Shay tapped her pen on the open file before her in equal time to Olivion‘s finger taps upon her teeth.

“Varm Piggies?!” Olivon snorted and Brahma burst into laughs as Inez shook her head.

“I’m just saying there could be something there.” Shay’s voice had grown petulant.

“Oink!” Tod Boggins winked and nodded his neck-less head at Shay in rapt agreement.

The drive in the P.I.E. van had been uneventful despite all three of her agents and one stout bull frog-toad insisting that she stop at every drive-thru they passed for piles of fast food that had Shay wincing every time her credit card came out, and the rather maniacal insanity that always seemed to erupt when the socially lesser experienced agents of P.I.E.S. such as the three she now chaperoned through the outskirts of the city always seemed to cause as such things as rock and roll on the radio and a wax paper mega-deluxe-sandwich the size of one of their nipples sent them into a childlike frenzy of animated joy!

With the city falling behind her and a deep sigh of relief upon her lips, Shay tried to enjoy the burnt hues of autumn upon the foliage dotting the road side, between hand slaps and shouts at the feasting and mouthful bickering and whining agents that continued to bounce in their seats until finally they fell asleep as the sun slowly sank to the horizon. The toad, with his sunglasses (freshly bought at an outrageous price by her at a gas station where the three agents had needed to pause at in order to relieve themselves of several ounces of their giant gig-a-gulp sodas!) snoring loudly, woke with a start as he flopped from his comfortable perch between Inez deep cleavage and fell thudding to the floor of the van as Shay finally found the gravel side road which had been eluding her for the past two hours and swung the van sharply down the winding course.

‘Good thing we filled the gas tank at that last stop!’ Shay thought to herself as the toad leapt up on to her seats back and yawing began to fill his odd spiral pipe with sweet smelling leaves.

“Oinks?” he asked trying to peer out the sun setting light dazzled windshield.

“Oinks,” Shay replied as she whipped the van along the increasingly turbulent and jostling road. By the time she was reaching to turn on the head lights, the pitching and bumping van had aroused everyone in the vehicle and now the sleepy women groggily clung to seat backs and arm rests struggling for purchase as the road turned into a pitching weaving rutted mud path. Shay was not exactly pleased when Tod Boggins took a header into her blouse and refused to extract himself from her ample bosom nor could she dare take a hand from the wrenching wheel to yank him out herself! In fact in her one attempt to do so the wretched creature simply dived deeper into her cleavage and now only heady herbal smoke seeping out through her blouses white much stressed pockets gave any visual clue as to the creatures hiding place!

“You foul little beast!” Shay growled. But all her attention was adhered to the small slip of a road way that the van now lurched and crawled through hemmed in by a wall of black trees and a starless night. But even as she wrestled with the steering wheel of their pogo stick transport Shay could feel the little monster in her blouse pushing himself down to her tucked in shirts waist line and feel him wriggling at the top of her tight stretch skirt! Shay’s eyes suddenly widened and she slammed on the breaks! Shay never wore underwear! In a strange shrill voice Shay yelled, “okay, everybody out of the van!” and flung her own door open and stepped out of the still swaying vehicle.

Before anyone could do much else than exit their seats puzzled by Shay’s odd behavior, and close their doors behind them, their appeared before them a middle aged man in dirty overalls holding a kerosene lantern.

The man scowled at the young women and then read the decals proudly displayed upon the van, “par-e-norm-al investarnation unja e-rad-er-cation…. You’s the gobernment people?”

“Y-y-yes, we are.” Shay appeared abruptly from the other side of the van. Her face noticeably flushed even in the lantern light and walking strangely with her knees almost touching while she seemed to pull herself along the front of the van with trembling hands and a quivering mouth under arching eyebrows and eyes alternating between half lidded and wide eyed as she gasped and drooled a little onto her heaving breasts.

“Are you the hick?” Inez asked.

“vat she mean iz are da piggies?” Olivion glared at Inez and smiled back at the man in the overalls.

The man rubbed the stubble on his chin and shook his head and shrugged, “goberment people! Go’n fuggure! This way n then.” He turned his back on the women and started down the rutted mud road and then stopped suddenly and sniffed at the air. “dose n’ ya all smell smoke?”

Shay clutched at the bottom of her pencil skirt pulling it even tighter against her pressed together knees and shook her head, “must be the transmission!” Shay gasped and wheezed as she rapidly fanned her other hand behind her twitching posterior.

“er, yeah.” the overall man commented and shook his head as he turned his back on the women again and mumbled as the women fell in line behind him and followed him down the dark twisting road.

It wasn’t a long walk before the dirt road turned into the front cul-de-sac of mud making up the shambles of farmer Gent Hastings hovel. Despite this Brahma was forced to help support Shay as she weaved and wobbled almost drunkenly into the clutter of the farmers front yard.

“We understand farmer Gent, that you have been the recent victim of what you believe to be witch craft is that correct?” Shay panted through her brief speech and stuttered and whipped sweat from her upper lip as smoke now readily puffed out from under her tight skirt despite her hands kneading the hem into her toned thighs.

The farmer seemed genuinely puzzled by the three women and kept rubbing his head and squelching up his sun leathered face at them in the dim ring of lamp light.

“Perhaps you had better tell us what happened?” Brahma offered after watching Shay half collapse into her arms and seeing her repeating attempt to speak further but only being able to gasp and gesture wildly. Shay punctuated the question with a toss up of her free arm not draped over Brahma’s shoulder and seemed to be having great difficulty in not staring at the young teenage girls opulent breasts just inches from her glazed eyes and drooling mouth!

“well, er, I-”the clodpoll began but was interrupted by Inez.

“Where is my Tod Boggins?!” Inez glanced about with hands on hips in an angry scowl before snapping her fingers. Instantly the toad appeared before her, slimmed from head to foot and grinning mischievously. “Where have you been?!” The toad only croaked and blew bubbles out of his sputtering pipe. “UGH! You smell of fish! You must have been wallowing in some foul mud hole!”

“Mr. Gent Hastings, if you would be so kind as to fill us in with the details of your entire ordeal we will endeavor to render you what ever assistance we can devise on your behalf. “ Shay seemed to be making a miraculous recover and smoothing out her clothing stood up straight and tall and walked up to the farmer. As she did so, Shay noticed Inez was turned away from the group busy dipping one of her gauzy bits of fabric into a watering trough no doubt to ready herself for the cleaning up of the vile toad who still burbled and hummed in a drunken glee upon the night shadowed ground. Seeing this, Shay suddenly turned and violently kicked the toad who shot up into the air and vanished with only a distant splash to mark his disappearance. Shay went on talking as Inez turned back around from the watering trough and was perplexed to find her toad missing! “even the smallest detail left out, may make our rendering of assistance most difficult. So please be thorough in your telling of your plight.”

“Where’s Tod Boggins?!” a voice whined hidden from sight by Shay who now stood directly in front of the farmer with hands on hips, breasts jutting forward, and eyes expectant and demanding.

“Well, er, I-” the farmer began to reluctantly speak again, confused and uncertain at these decidedly queer folk.

<Snap!> “There you are you naughty toad!”

“follow me,” the farmer gave up his hesitant struggle of inner debate about these strange women and shrugged and lead the small group past his hovel to the large barn and pens just beyond it. “them’s the pigs.” The farmer pointed a long gnarled finger at what to all apparent appearances was a small pen full of-”

“table lamps?!” Shay murmured in surprise.

“Ain’t got none electricity out here’s about and not all of em together fetch a price of one hog at market!” The farmer was genuinely cross at the pen of table lamps and fit to almost cry in frustration. “that durn witch did it! She live back yar a mile or so.” Gent poked a finger past the barn up into the wooded hills where the very lip of the lamps glow made out the beginnings of a small winding dirt pathway into the deep silent wood.

“Va should ave taken vis lamp,” Olivon muttered as she stumbled again over the thick roots over growing the indented cow path.

“Nonsense,” Inez barked. “Tod Boggins is more than adequate for the job.” She smiled at the fat toad as he waddled on his hind legs before the small group of women his head pointing strait up as he blew a continuous stream of bubbles up into the air from his golden thin pipe. Each bubble was a glowing globe of golden light but they popped rather easily and made the way something like walking by erratic lightning flash than what a leisurely stroll by a torch would have been.

“Since when did he start wearing a waist coat?” Shay eyed the toad carefully as she passed him again.

“There is a chill in the night air, and Tod Boggins is susceptible to colds.” Inez pouted.

“And the pocket watch and fob chain?” Shay grimaced at the toad as it winked at her as it waddled rapidly past her again and then slowed back down to its normal achingly slow gait once again directly in front of her. Since his eyes were directly on top of his flat bulbous head this left him staring straight at her enormous jostling breasts and the dancing short hem of her tight pencil skirt! She once again for the umpteenth time scowled at the smarmy amphibian.

“There is definitely a chill,” Shay mused as she eyed the steadily thickening mist that was rising about them. The ground mist was getting steadily thicker. Soon the small group found themselves hemmed in by a wall of fog so that even Tod Boggins glow bubbles were little more than sparks in the sliver blanket.

“Vis vog vs unnatural.” Olivion peered above them into the shell of white swirling mist.

“Da vink?” Inez muttered at the ebony beauty and scowled into the impenetrable fog.

“I can no longer see the path,” Shay bent over waving her hand before her.

“I can’t see my breasts in front of my face!” A worried Brahma whined.

There was a croak and then a wet smack followed by a thud and a distant croak.

“Vat vas vat?!” Olivion cocked an ear into the white clouds growing gray in the darkness.

“Nothing,” muttered Shay.

“Where is my Tod Boggins?!” Inez shouted.

“Hey! There’s some kind of opening in the woods over here!” Brahma called out.

“Where’s here?” Shay muttered.

Suddenly all of the women found themselves stumbling out of the close path and into a clearing that was utterly devoid of mist. Brahma was standing next to Tod Boggins whose pipe bubbles were no longer needed as the glen was well lit by a cloudless night of brilliant stars and a surreal full moon of ponderous size. The great silver orb of white powder seemed just inches above their outstretched fingers and lit the whole grassy opening in the wood with a shimmering dewy light. Glancing behind them the women saw the fog that had enshrouded them melt away and with it the pathway out!

Just a wall of thick wood weaved with thorny choking underbrush met their gaze. They were trapped.

Though they searched the glen several times and found nothing after setting themselves upon the damp ground for a rest, Shay suddenly saw the small hovel with its open door right in the middle of the glen not more than a few yards from where they lay! The small squat structure was made of sod and thick with over grown grass and they convinced themselves half heartedly that it was this camouflage which had hidden the structure from their search in the watery light.

Still with cautious steps the group approached the black ragged maw of the building and it was with some pause and a lot of Shay’s pointed toe punting upon Tod Boggins that with pipe popping glowing bubbles again he waddled in first and revealed a neat pit with earth carved steps hard packed and shorn with bleached old wood leading down into the dark bowels of the earth.

Bunched up together and bending low against the low black earth ceiling the women descended in the brief wake of the toads hopping progress down into the dank moldy passage. The earth stairs gave way to rough uneven rock tunnel which seemed increasingly more of nature than of humane manufacture until they found themselves twisting and squishing themselves through the irregular winding descent.

Suddenly and without warning the small corkscrewing back and forth downward shaft gave way to a large opening of a slightly sloping rough floor pooled with shallow water. In a few dozen yards the floor fell away to a series of rifts out of which foul vapors crept up and stained the walls with crusted lime. Avoiding these unpleasant pools the group followed the wall nearest them and after some time was rewarded with a rope ladder leading up into the ceiling were a small opening in the rock was covered in wooden planks and a trap door.

Inez went up first followed by Olivon and Brahma it was only at the last minute that Shay realized that the toad was joyfully following up the ladder after her, all the while blowing glowing bubbles up her skirt!

Fuming Shay reached the ladder top but before she could enact her revenge on the toad, she found herself caught up in the mystery being debated by the other women. Namely that they were standing in a barn!

And not just any barn, but even though they had only seen it briefly and in passing from the outside just hours before, they instinctively knew and could decipher from its basic odd slanting shape and construct that this was indeed the inside of Gent Hastings barn!

“I don’t get it? So the path leads up the hill to a hole in the ground that leads right back to a hidden trap door in the barn? Someone explain that to me?” Inez frowned at the silent barn around her with her hands on her backside clenching and unclenching her ample buttocks in her hands as was her want when she was deeply puzzled in thought.

“It’s easy actually,” a quiet male voice rose up from the fringes of the dark above them and was followed by the striking of a match and the hiss of a lit kerosene lamp. “I needed time to finish my preparations and I couldn’t be sure how many of you there would be until after you had arrived.” The newly lit lamp revealed a man in a robe standing high above them in the loft of the barn.

“You have lost your accent Mr. Gent Hastings.” Shay growled.

“There was no witch then?” Inez let go of her buttocks and shifted her weight onto one leg in a classic super heroine pose, narrowing her eyes into the dark immediately behind the lit lamp where she could just make out Mr. Gent standing in robes.

“Vot Vich! Vorlock!” Olivion had made out the image at the same time!

Brahma however was looking on the floor about them and not at the lone figure in the rafters at all and her eyes were widening in alarm as she did so. Shay noted this and joined her in peering about in the dark.

The floor was covered in bones of hundreds of animals and the floor and walls were covered in occultist markings writ in blood!

“No, not a witch but a warlock! Indeed Olivion and we have stumbled into his trap!” Shay made a sudden step forward and in that instant a dozen more lanterns hissed to life. Above them were hundreds of men all in holocaust robes and they began to chant their incantations!

“This is not good!” Inez shouted above the growing din of the echoing voices.

“Brahma do you recognize it?” Shay asked the worried faced girl.

Brahma nodded, “it is the chant of the old ones. The ancient race long before our own cast from this plane by the earliest gods.”

“Vis vs summoning vell vor sure!” Olivion clenched at her ears!

“We need to stop this!” Shay shouted above the yelling chant and a sudden unfelt wind that seemed to carry all voice and thought of theirs to the farthest remote of the large barn.

“You shall not impede our wants!” The man known to them as Gent Hastings whispered and they heard it as loud as the sudden sounds of bells ringing about them and with a sudden ripple of the vision one of the bloody glyphs opened like a mouth upon the floor and out spilled small dark hobbled shapes that leapt at the women in chattering furry!

“Imps!” Screamed Inez! “Horny little beggars! Watch yourselves!”

“They are only meant to distract us from stopping the summoning of the ancient ones! Ignore them! And attack the covenant!” Shay tossed imps off her but for every one she knocked aside two seemed to take its place!

“Ignore them! Are you crazy!” Inez was wrestling under a mob of small leaping grappling shapes!

“Vou gat vetter plan!” Olivion was kicking and punching but for all her street experience it was obvious not her or any of the others were any physical combatant match for the horde of imps! Nor could any of them seem to gain a space to summon up their powers to aid them, though one zombie had arisen from a broken egg Olivion had dashed upon the ground at first sign of the imps that she always carried for just such emergencies! But its awkward movements were of little use against the lightning fast innumerable imps!

“Matter of fact I do!” Screamed Inez, “you three keep the imps busy and I will take care of the boys in the bath robes!”

“And how do we manage to do that?!” Screamed Shay as she had lost most of her clothing to the long claws of the imps but had managed to find a cow femur that was working somewhat as a club on those few she could target.

“Are you kidding?!” Inez screamed holding an imp up by a massive disproportionate twenty inch cock and flailing the helpless creature about as she shock the cock to make her point. “They are incurably horny beasts! Just use your womanly wiles and distract them!”

“OH!” the three remaining women said simultaneously and first Brahma and then Olivion (who had just managed to summon up a golem made entirely out of half rotting bloody cow bones for further aid) and finally Shay dropped to the barn floor and spread themselves for the imps! In a matter of moments the howling horde of frenzied imps became a groaning moaning pile of lusty erect cocks pumping into every orifice they could impatiently find on the women who eagerly sought to please the wall of cocks surrounding them!

A few imps continued to pummel at Inez for a few seconds but when presented with the option to get a boot to the face again and again or fight one another for a chance to fuck such willing fuck sluts as was now writhing on the barn floor before them? They took their turn in the pushing line at the sluts and soon Inez was left utterly alone to walk before the screaming frustrated Gent Hastings who shouted and threatened and cursed his army of imps who in turn utterly ignored him in their lusts!

Inez smiled, “I am going to need your help for this one Tod Baggins.” The squat toad appeared out of the shadows and Inez began to chant her spell and wave her twitching dancing fingers above the smiling toad. In an unearthly flash the toad swelled up into a twenty foot tall monster of green flesh and fangs and talons of death! With a few swinging slashes the entire barn came down in a shuddering heap!

“Uh, you three can stop now.” Inez pushed some of the rutting pigs off the still humping women. “I guess we found Mr. Hastings pigs after all. He must have been using them as host bodies for his imps.” Inez tried not to laugh as she watched the three women struggle to collect themselves from under the swarm of humping hogs and scratched the equally bemused Tod Baggins under the chin as he snickered upon her shoulder.

“er, yes.” Shay tried to pat sperm covered strands of her golden hair back into place, “where is our warlock?”

Inez nodded over her shoulder to where the man lay dead in the twisted wreckage impaled upon shattered wooden beams. “I can’t find any of the others? The entire robe mob vanished into the woods or into other planes of existence? Maybe they were nothing but extensions of the warlock? Who knows?”

“I can’t believe you brought that lamp with you?” Shay scowled into the rearview mirror at Inez who was holding the large lamp she had scavenged from the pig pen.

“I want it for my room.” the red head whined.

Shay wrinkled up her nose, “I think it smells like pig shit?”

“No that would be you.” Inez whispered.

“Vop da van! Vop da van!” Olivion howled!

“What is it?!” Shay slammed on the breaks and looked wildly around!

“Vsjy Vees! Vsiy Vees!” Olivion shouted pointing at the golden arches.

The entire van erupted in excited shouts for fast food as Shay reached into the glove compartment and grudgingly removed her purse and credit cards.

“”What do you want for breakfast?” Shay tiredly asked as they pulled up to the drive-thru.

“Anything but bacon!” Brahma said. All the women shot her a look and the young girl answered puzzled, “it is against my religion?!”

The van rocked with laughter for some time after that though Brahma never quiet got the joke.

But it wasn’t until after several repeat stops at drive-thrus for more food and stopping to pay at the pump for her gasoline that while getting back into the van full of sleeping P.I.E.S. that suddenly Shay noticed for the first time that all four women were stark naked and covered with mud and sperm from their escapade with the imps/swine?! Completely humiliated and with a long line of horny males honking and shouting and weaving in cars behind her mud splattered P.I.E. van, Shay with one hand trying to cover her enormous breasts with fast food wrappers as she drove hunched over with the other , hurried her sleeping comrades home as fast as the law would allow to their haunted brownstone in the abandoned suburb by the water front encased now by industrial parks. And all the while that fat toad snored contentedly in her lap!!!!!!

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SHAY HAPPENS in “SUPERS-TIT-IOUS!”

<as is always the case with rapid off the cuff stories that are written at a brutal stamped without any forethought as the rook stories always are, shoehorned into an hour or two of happenchance time, original ideas often morph or change as the stories stumble and slide to their abrupt out of time conclusions, and the shay stories are no exception. By the time I started on this second one, I had decided that Shay Happens should reflect more of an Irish background and heritage, simply as the Mr. X universe already had a lot of statuesque blondes and very few red heads. So starting in this one Shay has been reversed engineered to be a strawberry blonde with freckles and a slight Irish accent with bright green eyes! Rook.>

“So, it would appear then that this… Swami is a swindler.” Shay Happens, head of the Paranormal Investigation & Eradication Squad, dropped the dispatch file folder on to her paper cluttered desk top and pushed up her horn rimmed black glasses from the tip of her small freckled nose.

The balding fat little man sitting across from her nodded profusely and added nervously, “and because of his séances seeming to be, as far as we can tell down at Vice, being somehow legitimate. I mean, real ghosts and things, it’s-it’s not really in our jurisdiction, he’s not really faking the thing, it doesn’t seem to be a scam. But the money he is bilking out of these upper class women and now politician wives, is real enough! And the increasing influence he has over their day to day decision making is becoming increasingly alarming. And it has to stop!”

“And that is where P.I.E.S. comes in?” Shay raised a well manicured gently arching eye brow at the sweating man who clutched his now empty department brief case to his chest in wide eye fear as he nodded his fright perspiring sheened head. Dispatch Curriers from Home Land Security were rare in their visits to the P.I.E. Headquarters. Usually Brahma made the walk up to the post office lock box once a day. A walk of seven blocks of which four blocks were past sidewalk-less industrial parks and the two blocks nearest the brownstone headquarters of P.I.E. had all the streets and side walks tore up with nothing but gapping holes and piles of rubble all about, the result of yet more on going attempts by the powers that be to drive the agency out of existence by making its day to day operations as difficult as possible!

But curriers like this one actually coming through that moonscape of half gutted buildings and exploded streets bringing documents in person were rare not just because of the difficulty of the trek its self, but because in the last ten years of his life, Mr. Waterhouse had turned his original paranormal squad of globe trotting adventures into a group of men who investigated and collected items of sexual magic. The old crumbling building of mazes of rooms and hallways and secret passages, was rife with sexual totems and fetishes from all over the world. And many of these spirits had burst out of their confinements and now shadowed the halls of the dimly kerosene lamp lit house turning their endless lusts upon the various P.I.E. agents (all of whom were women of course!) and playing nasty pranks upon any males foolish enough to cross its threshold! Shay’s male agent predecessors had all been driven insane and forced to retire leaving her to inherit the building and all its strange labyrinthine histories. The man across from her had only been in the building for less than twenty minutes and he had several nasty bruises on his head, a coffee stain still smoking on his lap, a bloody bruised shin exposed through his torn trousers, his left hand hastily bandaged up with what little remained of his frayed tie, a missing shoe and sock showed his broken large toe on his left foot and his pants, shirt, and jacket were on all inside out… he was obviously more than ready to flee this place!

But this was one of the very autocrats who worked so shamelessly to destroy the P.I.E.S. to get their hands on the last few millions of Waterhouse’s trust fund estate! And yet they often showed up pell-mell with some off the cuff problem for the P.I.E..S. to solve as if there were no such contradiction at all in their actions and expectations?! As such Shay had been unable to resist asking the man to stay while she read over the documents he had brought so as to watch him suffer a little bit. It was naughty of her, but it was seldom she got a chance to strike back at those who so daily fired pot shots at her and her agents!

“Well, we shall certainly look into it, Mr. Bramble! Now what is this other bit here about Gent Hastings body not being found at the old farm by the federal clean-up squad?” Shay frowned at the paper clipped together memos as she held them by the floating glass globe of light in which small glowing fairies flittered about.

“Er, yes. In confirmation with your report, we could find no record of the Home Land Security contacting you about such a mission and -” there was a loud splash and Shay looked up to see that a vase full of flowers and water had levitated its self above the hapless mans head and then dumped its contents upon him as he helplessly sputtered.

“Please continue,” Shay warmly offered a smile and then a very small lace handkerchief from the straining breast pocket of her white silken blouse and sat down folding her hands into a peaked pyramid before her as she patiently waited for the man to daub his head and shake some of the roses from his shoulders.

“Yes, in further attempt to confirm your report. Various agents were sent to the location you described and found a few run down shacks but no signs of recent occupation or dead bodies or … pigs.”

The man returned the soaked note pad he had been reading over back to his inside out breast pocket and politely and fearfully refused the glass of tea Shay offered him.

“My that is odd? I wonder what happened to all those pigs?” Shay mused as the portly man began to excuse himself and got up out of his low chair only to stumble and fall his one remaining shoe having been tied by its laces to the chair leg. He kicked off the shoe rather than waste a second untying the large knot and excusing himself quickly left the room. Shay smiled and waved after him and absently wondered about the whole recent farm incident before dismissing it from her mind and focusing on the new mission at hand. From her open door way of her office the sounds of a man falling helpless down three flights of stairs echoed loudly through out the brownstone…

Shay was about to summon any available agents in the house with the large crank air raid siren bolted haphazardly to her desk corner when an element of the previous farm house mission coughed its self back up into the forefront of her mind. Shay dropped the dossier from her hand to her desk top and pulled back her other hand hovering over the air raid siren crank and rose from her desk.

Shay made her way around the enormous antique much battered paper piled desk and weaved her thin tall spherical shape through the maze of file boxes and stacks of books until she reached the book and paper wedged open door to her office. She hesitated only an moment before a determined look crossed her youthful beautiful features and placing her pen back into the tight bun of strawberry blonde hair the woman strutted down the inky dark hallway splashed with flickering pools of spastic candle and kerosene lamp light until her stiletto heeled ankle boots brought her before a small closet.

The door to the closet, like every door in the old brownstone building was wedged shut with reams of paper and books blocking up the door. It took Shay several grunting minutes to clear the door of the obstructions, the wads of files and old newspapers which had been forced into the space between the door and the hinges being the most difficult to remove. With slight beads of perspiration dotting the magnificent freckled cleavage of her beach ball sized breasts, Shay stood up from her completed task and tucked in her straining white blouse into the narrow waist of her black pencil miniskirt and pushed back a stray lock or two of her long red hair back over her ears and up against the tight bun she always wore it in, as the over six foot tall woman backed her way into the small closet and against groaning hinges shut the door with several grunting tugs.

Shut up inside the dark closet Shay waited several seconds before, being somewhat impatient to get back to her new mission and being some what increasingly agitated in her anxious thought now plaguing her mind and being somewhat antsy about being closed up in such a tiny confining space, (Shay had always found herself turned on by anything of a ‘restricting’ nature, hence her always ever skin tight wardrobe she wore!) she reached her hand in the blind blackness to knock upon the door some inches before her heaving bra-less bosom, when the door was flung open suddenly!

There before her hovered a small glowing waifish young woman with an almost fish like face who instantly entered the small closet, achievable only by her almost incorporeal state, and then began to whisk away!

Shay quickly shouted after her, “hello Knock!” The little girl Knock spun in place above the lush but weathered carpet of the hallway and began to pace before the huge oak banister.

“H-h-h-hell-ooooohhh” the weaving apparition stuttered in an eerie sighing moan. Knock was a young woman who had spurned the advances of a particularly powerful fertility deity back in the 1800’s and while the details remained murky the result of the curse was apparent enough. Knock, her real name had been long forgotten, had been cursed to remain forever in motion. She had to be constantly moving, she even walked in her sleep about the brownstone hallways. She was also cursed to be compelled to open any and all closed doors she came across. How this tragic waif had come into Waterhouses’s possession was a mystery? Though Shay had heard rumors from her previous brief sojourn with the almost insane male colleagues she had joined and then replaced that, Waterhouse had become obsessed with sexual magic in his latter decade of his life and had filled the house with fetishes and totems of such scoured from around the globe. Since most sexual magic was created by women and for women it was no great surprise that the male phallus should play a large part in the carved and enchanted images of these fetishes, and as such the great brown stone building that had been the home of Mr. Waterhouse and his paranormal adventurers was filled to the brim with penises in all shapes and sizes in every nook and cranny. And it was one of these fetishes which had contained the imprisoned young girl now known as ‘Knock’ which Waterhouse had some how unleashed as he had somehow unleashed several other dozens of fertility spirits in the house over the years! Some thought that Waterhouse and his compatriots had been looking for the secret to eternal life? In any case, Waterhouse hadn’t found it, and now his ever horny ghost haunted the hallways trapped inside the glyph and sigil sealed estate like all the others!

Knock’s little curse of opening doors at all hours of the day and night wouldn’t have been much more than an irritant or distraction to the P.I.E.S. if it weren’t for an additional curse put upon the house by a rather cantankerous witch who had managed to escape the bonds Waterhouse had imprisoned her in and then in her attempt to elude her captors in the house had cast a powerful spell which caused every closed door that was opened to immediately spawn another identical room to the one revealed. The witch had been hunted down and destroyed by Waterhouse and his team, but it took them several days to realized that she had cursed the brownstone to spawn these new other dimensional rooms! By then, the brownstone had grown several thousands of random hallways and rooms in its much larger inside than outside!

Unable to break the curse, Waterhouse had simply ordered all the doors in the place either blocked open or removed from their hinges to prevent the inside dimensions growing any larger. As with each new room added to the brownstone the more strain was placed upon its physical form and the more it decayed and withered, not to mention that each room became increasingly surreal and twisted from its mirrored other original from which it had been carbon copied from. That each room spawned at a remote random place from its host made finding and placing the proper sigil upon the door and wedging open that door as to stop any further spawning of further rooms with further doors, very difficult. What with Knock prancing through the hallways whisking off to any sudden new doors appearance and ripping it open meant a sudden influx of new suits of random rooms ever threatening to crumble the ancient building and destroy the seals binding in all the sprits that Waterhouse had sealed into its grounds! The closet Shay often used to summon Knock with its closed door was set with a proper seal and thus could be opened and closed without spawning any further rooms, just like the privet quarter rooms which the P.I.E.S. both actual members and visiting members used to sleep and store their things in; these rooms also had additional seals to keep Knock from seeing them and opening them at the, er inopportune moments!

Shay talked quickly to Knock, it was difficult to keep the ever moving girls attention for more than a moment. “Knock, Inez brought back a large black lamp, a gaudy thing with gold embossed trim, with her a few days and put it into her room -”

“It’s not there anymore.” Knock rushed her answer to avoid stuttering and began to whisk away.

Shay raced after her, her enormous breasts struggling to keep time with Knocks own impressive ever jiggling chest. “It turned into an imp and is wandering the house.” Knock stopped her forward sprint and danced around Shay as the latter slapped the near by banister.

“I knew it! Where is it now?” Shay pushed her horned rimmed glasses up her small freckled nose.

Knocks eyes rolled back in her head as she weaved about in small figure 8’s, “it is somewhere on the seventy-second floor.. Eating a pair of Miss Thunderbolt’s thigh high boots.” Knock answered in stutters and starts.

“Listen Knock I want you to follow the thing and keep an eye on it. We have to figure out away to destroy it!” Shay hissed.

“It is rather well endowed.” Knock offered in a sing song voice that stuttered behind her mocking smile.

“Oh. Er, how endowed?” Shay raised an auburn eye brow.

“Twenty-five inches of ever hard pole meat,” the girl held her hands in a circle showing a girth of several inches and slowly raised it up in a very large arch from her groin to her neck and back down again several times and giggled through a salacious smile, tilting her head at Shay as she spun around the surprised woman.

“Oh my! Well…” Shay could feel her nipples tightening and hardening under her almost see through silk white blouse. “Uhm, maybe we had better just keep an eye on it for now? Okay, Knock?”

“My pleasure,” Knock smirked as she slowly pirouetted away with a big smile.

“Just keep it out of trouble!” Shay shouted after the speeding figure which wiggled her fingers at Shay as she disappeared around a corner. “Why am I always envious of that girl?” Shay shook her head and headed back to her office and the new task awaiting her there!

The summons had not gone well. The air raid siren had produced only Brahma to her office. The slight blue skin huge busted girl with the large yellow eyes had been attentive to the new mission in the debriefing and excited, but Shay knew they would need more power on this assignment than just her and Brahma could jointly provide. The few full time P.I.E. agents assigned to her were currently on other missions scattered about the globe as the politicians continued to strive to destroy the institutes ability to accept missions and successfully complete them and thus rend their contract void and free up the few remaining millions of Waterhouses money in the trust fund into which to sink their greedy snouts. It was odd that their were no visiting second stringer roster team members in the house at the moment, but it did happen and it meant that Shay would have to seek help elsewhere, but before she did there was one last item to take care of.

Shay touched the hidden button on her slim black belt buckle and the little silver P.I.E. logo flashed a mute blue red gold. It was only a few seconds before Hunch appeared. Hunch was a golem which Olivion had made months ago out of whale bone and ivory. It stood over eleven feet in height and was a hulking shape in its Eastern robes. The turban on its head housed the flashing gold hart of the creation, being nonliving it alone could enter the underground maze of the brownstone where Waterhouse had unwittingly unleashed homunculi by the thousands. The wretched little scamps scuttled around in the green vile glowing vapors and chattered like boxes of broken glass on a trampoline.

“Hunch, go into the basements and contact the ‘Dweller’. There is an imp running rampant in the house and it must be contained.” The impassioned carved face of the golem remained immobile then the construction turned and silently vanished heading for the bowels of the building and the series of sigils which it only could pass!

“Alright Brahman. Let’s get started on our new mission!” Shay clasped the buxom teen to her bosom, both enormous jugs spilling up out of their tops amidst the sounds of large balloons rubbing together much like the sharp braying of young seals as they smiled at each other with glee!

“I’m not so sure of this,” Brenda Wade mumbled as hesitated reaching for the interior latch to the sliding door of the P.I.E. van.

“Listen we need someone on the inside on this one.” Shay looked back over the driver seat at the shapely burnet in the back seat of the van. “And Ms. Americana said you were always willing to help stop any of these slimy males who prey upon unsuspecting women!”

“True, but-” Brenda began.

“Maybe I should be the decoy?” Brahma offered.

“Ah…” Shay looked at the busty young girls blue skin and deep yellow eyes, “I am not sure that would work?”

“I am not afraid!” Brahma retorted.

“And niether am I!” A piqued Brenda Wade snorted and flung open the door to the van and disappeared as it slammed closed.

“Now keep in contact,” Shay spoke into the world war two area walkie-talkie she held in both hands. The P.I.E. budget based on the interest generated by the sole remaining trust fund left just out of reach of the government was something to be desired. And Shay the director found herself scrambling to keep her staff equipped.

“Roger.” Brenda Wade whispered into her broach perched at the neck line of her business suit encased full g-cups as she sauntered up the drive to the walled gate way to the prestigious Cockhorse house. ‘I never thought I would see the day were I would meet a pair of women who would make me feel flat chested before!’ Brenda thought to herself as she reached the gate house and was ushered into the walkway proper of the estate and the large arch impressive entrance door just beyond. ‘those two could give even Power Lass a run for her money!’ The young billionaire was warmly greeted at the front door and ushered into the opulent rooms beyond. ‘I was intending to see into this whole Swami séance thing myself as Ms. Americana of course, but maybe letting this Shay Happens and her Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations Squad use me as an inside mole, might give me yet another opportunity to fight crime while continuing to establish my separation of the Brenda Wade and Ms. Americana personas! Besides my track record as Ms. Americana against the supernatural as never been ‘too’ good, and those ladies obviously are going to need my help as they look about as green as grass! Ha!’ Brenda suppressed a snicker as she finally reached her host, Ivana Cockhorse. They air kissed each others cheeks and Ivana introduced Brenda to the small gathering wealthy women present and then to the main attraction it’s self…

“And this is The Swami!” The rail thin overly tall man in robes bowed his smiling mustached face before Brenda with many smooth graceful gestures of his narrow long hands. Brenda noted the round mirrored glasses perched upon his large hawkish nose and the enormous turban he wore wrapped so elaborately around his head. A few minutes more, as The Swami talked in heavily accented oily smoothing phrases of welcome and humble praising of those gathered to see his small powers, Brenda couldn’t help but notice that even in his lose fitting trousers The Swami was in possession of a meat pole of considerable pussy pleasing size! Brenda licked her lips and found her curiosity in this Swami increasingly… aroused!

Brahma’s levitating spell had faltered at the worst possible time, but the two beach ball breasted women had managed to shimmy up a drain pipe and escape the pack of snarling guard dogs just in time. Shay and Brahma now found themselves on hands and knees looking through the skylight of the main parlor of the Cockhorse manor. Brahma noticed that one of the dogs at torn off a significant swatch of Shays miniskirt in the back and that it was readily apparent that Shay like many Aphrodite gene women chose to wear no underwear. Brahma was considering informing her boss of her revealing state when she realized that it had been her spell which had failed and plunged them upon the sleeping dogs and she thought the less said in regards to that matter, the better! So Brahma bit her small forked tongue and resisted staring too longingly at the red fringed pie on display next to her and joined Shay in peering through the sky light at the small gathering bellow.

“The towel head is surly our man.. And look there is Brenda making contact!” Shay whispered excitedly as she clutched the walkie-talkie to her ample chest.

“She certainly is! That sure seems like a lot of contact in fact!” Brahma chimed in.

Indeed Shay thought the way Brenda seemed to be grinding on the Swami seemed more like a lap dance than a formal greeting at a respected house between strangers. In fact the other women present seemed to have similar misgivings and they with some difficulty finally managed to pry Brenda off the frazzled swami and set about the business of the séance at hand.

The Swami after readjusting his attire set about a long speech about why they were there and how he would attempt in his small powers to call upon the spirit world for guidance for those gathered, these seekers of the knowledge, so that they could all show respect to their lost love ones and do good in the world. It went on for quiet some time, during which the servants set up the table and lit the candles and turned off the lights one by one.

Above it all, in the dark storm gathering night, Shay and Brahma watched with building anticipation as the spectacle played out below them.

The small group sat down at the bare wooden table and held hands as the candle light danced about them. Some effort had been made to seat Brenda, who had been somewhat calmed down with several large shots of brandy, at the farthest position from the Swami, directly across from him. This was probably wise indeed as even from the overhead skylight Shay could see that Brenda’s eyes never unlocked from the Swami’s lower region?! And the rather unrattled man finally sat himself down and thus broke Brenda’s snake like gaze as he used a small cloth to wipe the sweat from his brown face.

This proved a mistake, as Brenda her hypnotic spell of the Aphrodite’s curse of the ‘meat gazer’ broken by the table which now hide that enormous pecker from her hungry eyes, found her facilities returning to her enough to note that even by candle light she could make out that some of the brown of the Swami’s face was now adhered to his handkerchief! Make-up! He was an imposter at least as far as his nationality was concerned! Brenda narrowed her eyes at the man as he went through the elaborate motions of his summoning up the spirit plane. Despite her predisposition to his apparent fraudulent nature, Brenda found her self gasping in wonder as the large marble cavern of the parlor began to fill with dozens of floating moaning ghosts!

The canopy of specters continued to grow until all below, host, guest, servants, all gasped in abundant wonder at it all! Even Brahma joined them from above, marveling at the sight.

“It isn’t real.” Shay said simply. “Those aren’t ghosts.”

“Are you sure?” Brahma said. Looking doubtingly at Shay who shook her head.

Bellow them the ghosts had grown violent and began to swoop and howl, scattering the group of humans and over turning the table and chairs!

“The spirits are enraged! There is an unbeliever amongst us!” The Swami shouted above the now hurricane like force of raging winds ripping through the room! Brenda down on one knee in the now inky dark lit only by howling banshee wraiths had little doubt were this was going!

“I can’t call up golems or cast spells or read minds or walk through walls, but I can see and touch any ethereal of the spectral plane, and those are not ghosts. I can see them, but they aren’t real spirits. It’s fake some how, but I can’t tell how he is doing it?” Shay looked over at Brahma and then back down at the increasingly dangerous chaos smashing the room bellow them.

“It can’t be a machine, they are too real to be imagined.” Brahma began.

“Of course! Imagined!” Shay pulled the walkie-talkie from the firm folds of her breasts and keyed the switch, “Brenda! Listen! Those spirits aren’t real! He’s using some kind of mass hypnosis power to conjure the image from everyone minds! I don’t know how yet but those are some kind of mental hallucinations made into physical substance, but they aren’t ghosts!”

Brenda dropped her hand from the ear piece hidden by her long black hair and touched her broach, “it’s time to call in Ms. Americana! I have a feeling she will know what is going on here!”

Shay nodded and stood up on the slate roof and pulling the tube from her belt fired the flare up into the increasingly violent sky above them. The prearranged signal shot up into the sky and burned an eerily blood red hue before being engulfed by feverant black storm clouds!

“I hope she saw that!” Brahma cried out into the now sudden down pour that erupted about them in lighting flashes.

“So do I!” Shay shouted into the upheaval of nature gone a rye and let fall the heavy slate roofing stone she was holding above hr head. The sky light shattered into a thousand shards and grabbing onto Brahma’s hand Shay cried out, “let’s do this!” And Brahma called forth her teleport demon again who in a blue blur swept them into the inky screaming room bellow!

Brenda could just make out the thin arch of the flare from her hiding place behind an over turned sofa just before Shay and Brahma burst into the room via the cascading glass waterfall of the sky light. Using the two agents dramatic arrival as a diversionary cover, Brenda managed to find a door and slip into the hallway beyond. A few quick glances showed she was alone and with a sudden flash Brenda Wade was replaced by the mighty Ms. Americana!

Flinging wide the walnut door right off its hinges Ms. Americana gasped at the sight within. Not only were the occupants cowering in fright behind up held chair cushions and behind wavering fire pokers from several small groups of gibbering fiends, but Shay and Brahma were being held suspended in the air and sexually molested by several phantoms! Ms. Americana tore her eyes off the surreal spectacle and casting about the room quickly found the smirking continence of the man responsible for the hostile hoax!

With a leaping kick the buxom fighter sent the Swami flying against the far wall. “Don’t bother replacing your turban, Mr. Mental! The jig is up!” Ms. Americana snarled at the thin man as he scrambled off his backside and gave up searching in the strobe light room of howling glowing spirits for the unraveled head piece, which had until now hidden the large alien brain which pulsed their just under his scalp!

“Ms. Americana! I should have known you would be poking those fat torpedoes of yours into my scheme sooner or latter!” The tall thin man growled as he brushed at his sleeves and straightened his jacket.

“Don’t waste any time! Finish her at once!” the alien voice howled through Mr. Mental’s throat. Mr. Mental coughed and struggled for control, “ it will be a sweet pleasure to do in this fat titted bitch once and for all!”

“You are a sick man and in need of much help Mr. Mental! Why not come along peacefully and end this now, before you get hurt?” Ms. Americana narrowed her eyes at the cobra fast super villain.

“You arrogant slut!” Mr. Mental hissed as he paced himself behind several fierce looking spirits.

“Release these women at once and stop this charade! Don’t make me bend you over my knee and spank you in front of all these witnesses!” Ms. Americana wagged a red gloved finger at the back stepping man.

“What?!” Mr. Mental spat! “Why you huge chested whore!”

“Come on now, if I have to yank down your pants in front of all these women they will all see what a tinny weenie peenie limp dick you have and they will all start laughing at you!” Ms. Americana wiggled her pinkie at him.

He couldn’t even talk, in a mad rage he raced through his own body guard spirits and launched himself at her. She spun around in a blur and met his mad blur rush with a booted back spinning heel kick into his crotch followed up by a knee to the chin and a two fisted punch to the back of the bulbous wiggling head! Mr. Mental collapsed to the floor unconscious, Shay and Brahma falling down in grunts on top of him, shattering his pinwheel mirrored small round glasses, as all the raving howling ghosts vanished in the instant!

“Wha-ehat happened?” Shay was being groggily helped to her feet by Brenda Wade as servants armed with relit candles helped the terrified guests to their shaky feet.

“Ms. Americana beat the bad guy and saved the day!” Brahma chirped as she held a half dazed Ms. Cockhorse under her arm and pressed deeply into her humongous breast her half conscious mouth instinctively nuzzling at the huge erect nipple brushing her trembling lips.

“Where is she? I would like to thank her for all her help.” Shay rubbed her head still trying to get her bearings.

“I’m afraid when we sent for her she was already engaged in a most urgent task and had to leave immediately once she saw we had things under control. Besides she welcomes the P.I.E.S. to the never ending fight against male subjection of women and from past experiences knows that a little positive P.R. can go a long way in the early stages of ones career. So she has left you to claim the credit and call the press!” Brenda smiled past Shay at the unconscious Mr. Mental.

“Oh!” Shay exclaimed as she noted for the first time who her cushion had been!

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SHAY HAPPENS in “WHAT GOES HUMP IN THE NIGHT?!”

Shay Happens the head of the Paranormal Investigation and Eradication Squad housed in the crumbling once opulent six story brownstone once owned and bequeathed in complex wills to the government to be used in such a manner as to hunt down dangerous spirits and protect mankind, by the late Mr. Waterhouse, himself a life long occult paranormal adventurer who had gathered about him several hardy fellows to trek the globe in discovering and solving the strange and unusual of the unknown which haunts the humane realms, found herself awakened from a sound sleep and sitting up in her large comfy curtained bed. Shay blinked into the neither gloom of the unlit room and tapped a glass globe perched upon the large deep pillow next to her, the obedient fairies came to life and flittering about the globe rose into the air and filled the room with its greenish light. The room was relatively small and one of the few utterly devoid of clutter. Shay had chosen it early on after her original arrival back when men still vainly attempted to rule the roost as it were until the angry fetish spirits had driven them insane by constant pranks and driven them drooling into early retirement.

Though small the room was at the center hub for several secret passages, an important option for one who posed no real magical powers of her own, save the ability to see and touch the spirits of the spectral realms. Like the other sleeping quarters of both the full time and part time passing through agents Shay had sealed the room from undesired spiritual intrusion with glyphs and sigils upon all the walls and floor and ceiling. It was one thing to be constantly groped by the horny ghosts who haunted the decrepit building during the day time or receive the surprisingly well formed large shaft of the ghost of Mr. Waterhouse himself into ones welcoming watering orifice, but it was difficult to get a good nights sleep if one was constantly being gang banged through all hours of the night!

Shay tossed her covers aside and with the small glowing globe following her, she stepped out of her large tall bed and crept to the center of her slightly chilly bed chamber. Her gauzy see through nightie camisole did little to keep off the late night chill nor conceal her ample charms from any who might see her, but the little shawl she reached for and put on was made of the same pearl white filmy material as her sleep wear and did little to hide her nearly naked body or warm her against the still night‘s silent touch.

Something had awoken her, of that she was sure. But after several seconds standing stock still in the center of her room no sound nor motion near nor far hinted any clue as to what it may have been that had stirred her from such a deep slumber?

Shrugging it off, Shay decided to accept her now wide awake state and visit the kitchen for a late night snack. The quickest route to the kitchen lay through one of the dozens of secret passages that opened into Shay’s room and she quickly walked over and expertly flipped the hidden catch popping open the wooden wall panel and stepping through it. It is a difficult thing to descend a dark spiraling stair case with you only means of light being a fairy globe which insists upon residing always directly behind your head. Luckily Shay had much experience with her inherited fairy globe and pointing her finger in front of her snapped her fingers. The globe raced to the point and then hovered their as Shay strode down to it. Shay quickly fell into a rhythm of finger snaps and strides as she rapidly descended the staircase that pitched back and forth through the old brownstone walls.

The brownstone looked small if viewed from the outside. This was in fact quiet deceptive, an almost optical illusion caused by the entire near by area being ripped up into large uneven pits of earth and rubble and the nearest buildings all being enormous factory parks. In fact, during it’s heyday and before the government had closed down the near by nuclear power plant and bought up all the near by residential blocks and gutted them, the six story brownstone had taken up and entire city block its self and had a large enclosed central courtyard of elaborate gardens as well as green houses and musical conservatory wings and grand ball rooms and endless suites of rooms. That said, the old derelict buildings outside crumbling facade was indeed small compared to its much larger maze of interior rooms! Thanks in large part to the multitude of curses that had been placed or sealed inside the structure over the centuries!

Shay was enjoying licking the whip cream off her fingers as she cast a glutinous eye over the rather large slice of pie she had just giggly filched out of the large steel refrigerator. The complexities of the legal paper work that both protected the building from the bulldozer and kept Shay from repairing or updating the 1800’s building meant that the enormous steel ice box in the center of the huge coal fire oven kitchen was in fact really an ice box! A large thick walled heavy monstrous structure that required the awkward shipment of several hundred pounds of ice to be lugged up a near by wall chute crane that was grudgingly delivered by Home Land Security who with every attempt to shut down the building and the P.I.E.S. and thus get their hands on those millions of dollars in the last Waterhouse trust fund, always seemed with Shay managing a last minute one-gunmanship that had the Home Land Security bureaus shooting themselves in the foot!

Shay was just returning the container of whip cream when she noticed the large carton of Dream Cream raw cookie dough ice cream that Brahma had no doubt thought she had well hidden and with stars in her eyes she snatched up the cartoon and closed the large steel ice box door. Immediately behind the door was Hunch! The sudden sight of the until then hidden huge golem startled Shay and she nearly dropped the precious ice cream as she jumped back.

Hunch was startled by her being startled and he raised up slightly. His frozen ivory carved features somehow conveying alarm. Shay would never get use to how silently the large hulking automation could move about.

“Oh, Hunch! You startled me! What is it?” Shay caught her breath and then realized the container of ice cream had been left wedge between her enormous bosom when she had clasped her chest in surprise. She removed the carton and set it on the large metal preparation table next to the almost half a pie she had cut out for herself which was scarcely visible under its mountain of fresh whip cream.

When next she looked up at Hunch he was holding a rather large nasty looking black metal collar. Shay frowned at it and then slowly took it from Hunch. She turned it over in her hands several times until sudden recognition appeared in her eyes. “This from the Dweller?!” Hunch nodded in response. “This is to control the imp? Seems kind of big for an imps neck? Not that they have any necks?” Hunch shook his head slowly. “No of course not, not for the neck, or any of the limbs which are very scrawny indeed… the waist then?” Hunch shook his head slowly again. “Well, where on earth is it suppose to- oh my! You mean it goes on his… thingy?!” Hunch nodded and made a quick motion by slapping his left arm into his right elbow and shooting the right arm straight up with a fist! “er, okay so I have to put this thing on the imps, er significant other? Alright. I can do that! I mean, er ah yeah.” Hunch took a very small but identical black metal band from out of his layers of cloaks and taking Shay’s hand carefully placed the black ring upon her finger. “This ring lets me control this collar then?” Hunch nodded. “Thank you Hunch, I will take it from here.” Hunch nodded and silently left the dark stone kitchen with its large growling half sleeping ovens.

Shay held up her hand and admired the ring. She thought back to when her predecessor had finally flipped out and ran out of the brownstone never to return. He had left behind the symbol of power. An item of immense occult power which Waterhouse had left behind for each successor of the P.I.E.S. to wear at all times. Shay now wore it as a belt buckle as her predecessor had, but originally it had been a medallion which Waterhouse had worn about his neck. The medallion bestowed absolute power over all the spirits contained within the brownstone and power over all the various sigils and glyphs of binding. When her predecessor had removed the symbol of power and placed it haphazardly upon his desk (now her desk) and ran the item had of course been scooped up by first one spirit and then another and Shay had spent many perilous days in a quest to try and recover it. After many long adventures she had ended up following its trail from one increasingly more powerful spirit to the next until she found herself in the deep maze of sewers and basements of the great brownstone and facing none other than the Dweller it’s self! The Dweller was undisputed lord of the underbelly of the brownstone, a three story gourd shaped brown thick skinned creature covered in octopus tentacles and unblinking small black eyes who wielded great magical powers and limited foresight into the future realms of possibility. It had taken everything she had to half conquer and half trick the medallion back from the fearful creature. It now lay bound to her direct command as did all the more sentient spirits of the house did, but she took its obedience with great caution and its rare commanded ‘assistance’ with more than a grain of salt!

Shay lowered the hand with the ring and raised up the larger black belted metal hoop circle, it could have easily fitted around her waist!? She swallowed hard, all thoughts of a light snack being replaced with heady dizzy thoughts of helping herself to a light ‘snatch’! Upon somewhat unsteady legs that seemed a little unconnected to her ever moistening heating up crotch, Shay went over to one of the propped open doors and knocked.

It worked faster if you closed the door but after several steady knuckle raps ‘Knock’ appeared whisking down the central stone stair case leading into the kitchen from the distant dinning hall! “Hello knock, how is our imp friend?” Shay smiled and then set off at a jiggling pace to keep up with the puckish girl.

“Oh, he is wonderful!” knock smiled back over her shoulder and winked at an increasingly exasperated Shay, “and has lots and lots of stamina! If you know what I mean?” Knock, the impossibly confusing brownstones only reliable map, giggled into her hands.

“Just take me to him,” Shay growled.

The small black imp with the indeed impressive almost constant twenty-five inch thigh thick erection was in one of the servant hall ways, narrow and cramped and was devouring what in all appearances were several pairs of Brahma’s ‘hello kitty’ thong panties?! Shay simply clicked her tongue at the disgusting spectacle, after all hadn’t she told the young girl that she had out grown the childish need for undergarments for some time now?!

“I don’t suppose you are going to help me capture this thing are you?” Shay glared at the humming ever moving shimmering girl.

“All imps are horny, and this one is especially so! But I have been keeping him entertained now for several hours as you had commanded me to, and I am too pooped to party any more!” the blue glowing waif blurred off waving her wiggling fingers at Shay over her shoulder, “have funnnnnnnn!”

“Wait I am commanding you to help me!” But it was too late the humane bobble head was gone. Shay looked over at the panty gulping imp who eyed her wearily. It turned slightly as if to flee when she made a step toward it so she froze until it went back to panty munching. Shay could now see the enormous pecker the thing wielded, it was currently only half erect and half hung half stood like a large riffle over the things ebony shoulder! ‘More like a bazooka!’ Shay thought to herself. ‘well, here goes.’ And Shay began to remove what little garments she wore and slipping slowly down upon the thick shag carpet of the hallway began to finger her already wet equally thick luxuriously carpeted curly red haired cunt with increasing gusto. The imp swallowed hard and it stared at her intently as its erection steadily rose and rose and rose and…‘Holy shit you ARE a big boy aren’t you!” Shay whispered in awe as the imp gave a screech and leapt upon her!

Brahma wandered into the office of Shay with her arms full of the latest visit to the post office lock box and dumped them with little ceremony upon the already paper piled desk. “Say, have you seen my panties? They didn’t come back from the wash!” Brahma asked Shay.

Shay squirmed in her seat slightly and stuttered, “why-n-n-no. but do-don’t ya-Ahhh think you are a big enough g-g-girl to stop w-w-wearing such foolish attire?!”

“You sound as if you have been hanging out with Knock.” and with a haughty hip flip Brahma spun around and chin up and nose in the air left the office.

Shay watched her go and then sighed deeply. She tapped her ring against the desk top and then reached down between her legs while looking down and around her massive cleavage and cooed, “good boy, good boy, who would have thought your tongue was even bigger than your cock!!! Oh! MY! SWEEEEET HEAVENS! YESSSSSSSSSSSS!”

On the stair case Brahma paused and glanced over her shoulder at the animal grunts erupting from Shay’s open office door. She shrugged and went on down the stair case, after all one had to get use to strange going on’s in a house as unusual as this one. One constantly had to adjust one’s self to various odd sounds and occurrences, all those strange bumps in the night that go unchecked and often unnoticed which had so often now made up the mainstay of her days. Besides she had more important things to do, mainly to find the gnome in charge of doing their washing and with a spell or two teach him what the result of panty stealing a young woman’s knickers would cost him!!!!!!!! Images of a large gnome cock covered in wooden clothes pins while said clothes pins being slowly twistingly pulled off while she furiously sodimized him with a wooden scrub brush, oh my! waves of lust filled her head with rapturous glee and had her giggling clapping her hands in rapt anticipation of this much promising adventure! And to think she thought it had promised to be a boring day! After finding no new mission dispatches at the post office this morning!

Just as she was passing the main front door on her way on to the servants stair case and the laundry down bellow. There came a timid jerk of the bell pull, and a bit unwillingly Brahma flung open the large double doors. There stood an obviously nervous Mr. Bramble his hands worried at the large departmental brief case clutched to his chest.

“I am sorry to bother you Miss Brahma but there has been an incident in Yellowstone national park, concerning werewolves who attacked a documentary crew and half a dozen vacationers. A very urgent matter as you may guess… is Ms. Shay Happens at home?”

Brahma swept her arms wide and bowed before the man gesturing him inside……………

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And I am out of time for this jaunt, so look for this next Shay Happens story at some future juncture!!!

SHAY HAPPENS in “THE WEREWOLVES OF YELLOW STONE”

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