<nametag:rook>

MR. & MS. WONDERFULS in “THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE”

The thin man bustled about the kitchen stumbling and bumbling and burning his finger tips on the glass casserole dish but through it all he hummed merrily as he set the elaborate table for two and lit the tall slim white romantic candles setting the perfumed roses center piece on fire in the process but it was rapidly put out and replaced with a nice tissue paper and cardboard brown and orange turkey center piece wearing a pilgrims hat.

He looked up at the wall covered in photos of the super heroine Ms. Wonderfuls accepting various honors and awards and the lone tiny black and white photo of him in a tux and her in her costume and wedding veil standing outside the courthouse and smiled, “I am the luckiest man alive!” He stiffened as he heard the key in the lock of the front apartment door and immediately yanked off his apron and balled it up and tossed it over his shoulder where it landed on the cat who hissed and put on his diner jacket (inside out) knocking over the chair it had been draped over the back of and made his way rapidly while smiling to the front door which promptly swung open and smacked him hard on the nose.

“Good morning, my dear.” The thin man in black tie mumbled from behind his hand as he rubbed his starting to swell broken nose. “How was your night patrol?” He leaned in for kiss only to be waved away by the blonde woman who was pushing her way into the apartment.

She covered her mouth with one hand and shook her head, “spunk breath, my dear. You wouldn’t simply BELIEVE how many cocks I sucked dry tonight.” The ultra-hot blonde tossed a duffle bag into the man’s face and arms smacking him on the nose again and walked into the apartment leaving him to close the door.

“I ran into the Buerselly boys again. All sixteen of them out on parole at the same time and horny as goats- I- what is that smell?” The tall ravenous blonde vixen stopped up short and sniffed the air making a wincing face.

“Ah, that would be the lobster tails, my dear. A bit of trouble with the oven again I am afraid.” The man’s voice was muffled from behind the large duffle bag as he attempted several times to close the apartment door with his foot against the slew of reporters and men with arms laden with roses who packed the hallway trying to push their way into the room. He just managed it by falling to his knees and butting it closed with his forehead. Leaving a little blood smear on the shiny white paint; ‘I’ll just repaint that tomorrow,’ he thought and added it to his ‘honey do’ list.

“Oh. Well good thing I stopped at the mayors and had my dinner there. Going to get another one of those wretched key things I imagine.” She looked over at the wall with hands on hips where dozens of oversized novelty keys to the city hung. “Now I have had a long night and all I want is a quick shower and put my feet up for a few minutes and then straight to bed.” The tall sex bomb raised her hands off her full round pert hips and stretched and moaned.

She stood six four in her bare feet and she was wearing stiletto white shiny boots that rose up to her tan luscious thighs. She had a red with white trim shinny pleated skirt on which failed to fully cover her proud jutting firm buttocks. Her narrow tan waist was bare except where a slim utility belt hung and she wore a white and red shinny halter top that was a few sizes too small for her full round jutting double KK cup breasts. She placed her red and white gloved hands on the sides of her slim waist and spoke again in a petulant manner, “now where is my pussy? Pussy, pussy, pussy! Come on girl!” a muffled meow issued from under the scorched apron and the woman walked across the room past the over turned chair and set table to yank it off the cat. She bent over at the waist and started petting the cat. “There’s my pussy. How’s mommy’s little girl?”

Bending over like that showed that the woman wore no panties. There was a loud moan at the door and the man still on his knees looked angrily back at the door and then through the key hole where an eye stared back at him.

“Shove off you are blocking my view!” A muffled voice no doubt belonging to the eye snarled. The man jerked back and then with a cross face he removed his pocket square from his inside out diner jacket with his mouth and managed to use his tongue to wiggle it into the key hole blocking the view.

The man now shuffled down the hallway which opened directly into the dining room still on his knees and carrying the duffle bag. “I, ah, see you managed to lose your panties again.” The man cleared his throat and nodded at the woman’s exposed sex that shimmied back and forth in front of him.

“What?” the woman continued playing with her cat, “Oh no, I just stopped wearing the silly things. You have any idea how much a pair of lace thongs cost these days?!”

“Ah, yes I do. I am the only one with a paying job in the house,” the man muttered and then realized he was still carrying the duffle bag emblazoned with the super heroine ‘Ms. Wonderfuls’ name and lightning bolt logo and tossed it aside. He took another shuffling step and then realized he was still on his knees and he ran his fingers through his hair and got up.

The woman looked over her shoulder as he got up to his feet and she frowned and then smiled at him, “What on Earth were you doing down there? You are such a naughty perv.” She giggled and then shook her hips at him.

“What?! I, no, I was,” he looked back over his shoulders as he tried to explain pointing to the door where he saw the pocket square being pushed out of the key hole and drop to the floor. He returned to the door and used his finger to re-poke the silk square back into the key hole. Causing some disappointed moans from the other side of the door as well as a very audible, “selfish bastard!”

He returned to the dining room. It only took a few strides; it was a rather small apartment. The woman was done playing with the cat and was now turned around and looking at him. She pulled off her white mask with its red stars, “say be a dear and see if you can get the cum stains out of my mask. You are SO much better at all that washing stuff than I am.” She puckered up and made a kiss sound with her full wet lips and winked as he accepted the mask.

“Look honey,” the man began as he placed the mask inside of his breast pocket of his inside out diner jacket. The woman saw his jacket was inside out and helped him out of it as she put it back on him right side out and shaking her head and smiling with her big large twinkling blue eyes. “I know you have been very, very busty” He was looking down at his wife’s enormous full bosom pressing up against him as he spoke.

“Tell me about it!” She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “There is just no rest for the wicked or those who try and put a stop to them. You know I spent most of this night getting ass reamed by that Thomas Edison monster. You know that thing he came up with for the war department way back when. It’s got a dick on it about like that!” She held her hands about shoulder width apart. “I mean we are not talking about a little penis here like you have. NO! We are talking something out of the stables of grand papa’s farm! The thing is huge and it comes with nuts the size of grape fruits! I felt like a splooge factory when that thing was finally done. Whew!”

“Ah, yes,” the man cleared his throat. “I understand the trials and tribulations you nightly face in your fight against crime, but I was wondering when we might get a moment of time together. You know just the two of us. I mean it has been a year since our marriage and we still haven’t commiserated the act.”

The woman giggled, “I think you mean consummated, honey.” She blew him an air kiss and grabbed both ends of his bow tie and wiggled them back and forth as she smiled. Then she patted him on the shoulder and walked away stretching and yawning, “I think a long soak in the tub instead of a shower. I am beat!”

“Ah, yes, but I was thinking, that you know, we dated for two years and then were engaged for a year and then married a year and well you know-“ He could hear the door to the bathroom slam shut and then shortly thereafter the water wrench on. “… And in all that time we have never done more than kiss a few times. And since it is our anniversary…” He looked about him dejectedly and then took out the mask and saw the cat looking up at him over it, “what are you looking at?” the cat meowed and smiled.

*************************************************************************************

The grocery store was packed. And the man was having a hard time negotiating the crowd with his cart without smacking into other peoples carts for which he was quietly endlessly apologizing ‘sorry-sorry-sorry’.

Ms. Wonderfuls was wearing her costume as she always did when she went out and was looking and frowning at items before tossing them over her shoulder into the shopping cart which he man tried to hurry and catch each item into amidst his crashes with other shoppers and their carts. He would then take the item out and frown at it and then sourly put it back on the shelf and then hurry his cart forward to catch the next item Ms. Wonderfuls was tossing over her shoulder. He tried to keep up not only with his tall strutting wife but with her ranting monologue which would occasionally pause just long enough for him to insert a ‘yes dear’ or ‘no ma’am’.

“Last night was the worse. A mass prison break out on Devil’s Island. Four hundred convicts hammering my pussy and ass and mouth for several hours straight! I mean four hundred! It wears a girl out after a while. And this one fellow, GWAD! Did he have a cock! Now, I mean cock, not a little penis like you have, but a real forearm length, thigh thick, pussy pleaser, of a cock. And they must have been feeding this wall of muscle nothing but raw meat for the past dozen years because he tore my pussy up! I mean I haven’t cum like that in ages! Just hammering and hammering,” she bent down and patted the head of a small child and stood up and tossed a large month supply can of boiled peanuts over her shoulder which the man caught and replaced scowling to the shelf while giving weak smiles to cross faced fat housewives. “And hammering my cunt until I thought I would just die from the endless orgasms. I must say that was probably one of the top ten solo fucks of my career. Well, maybe top twenty, but I mean it was just savage and his dick was so fucking huge! Every time he pulled out it felt like he was pulling my pussy inside out and then he would ram it back in again and I swear I could feel it in my sternum. You know what I mean, honey?”

“Ah, yes dear,” the man was making a difficult maneuver through two fat women who were riding in cart motorized wheel chairs their enormous bulk had the poor store provided for the handicap machines whining and smoking under their overlapping tonnage as the women raised up their fat waddled paws and dragged entire shelf contents into their pyramid piled baskets. A long trail of tied together carts followed in their wake occasionally dropping an item from their heaped piles. The man bashed his cart past them, swatting at their pudgy hands as they tried to grab items out of his cart. They farted to show their indignant anger and threatened to have him fired, regardless of whether he worked at the grocery store or not.

He caught up to his wife just in time to catch a can of sardines with his forehead and have her turn to address him directly. “Darling, do you think you could run over to the pharmacy counter and pick me up some condoms? You know how easily I get embarrassed.”

“Condoms?!” The man’s face perked up and his eyes bulged almost as much as his crotch as he began to smile wide.

“Yes, they are for my utility belt. You wouldn’t believe how many a girl goes through on patrol.” She looked down at her belt and popped open an empty pouch.

“Oh, yes of course.” The man sighed and started for the pharmacy counter with his cart with the one wonky wheel that always made it want to turn left.

“OH! AND MAKE SURE YOU GET THE BLACK MAMBA ULTRA LARGE CONDOMS WITH THE RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE AND VIBRATING COCK RING! DON’T GET THE DINKY SMALL SIZE THAT YOU WOULD WEAR. YOU KNOW, DON’T GET ANY REAL SMALL CONDOMS FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU WHO HAS A REAL SMALL PENIS! GET THE REALLY LARGE CONDOMS THAT A REAL MAN WOULD NEED WHO HAS A MONSTER HORSE COCK! I WOULDN’T REALLY HAVE ANY NEED FOR THOSE SMALL PECKER SIZES! I MEAN I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY EVEN MAKE THEM? PITTY FUCKS I GUESS, BUT I AM NOT REALLY INTO THAT. SO MAKE SURE YOU GET THE LARGEST SIZE THEY HAVE AND GET THE ONE HUDRED PACK AS IT IS A THREE DAY WEEKEND COMING UP. THANKS HONEY!” The man turned to look back over his rounded shoulder at his wife who was still holding the overhead speaker phone in her hand and waving and smiling at him as everyone in the crowded store looked at him and started to smirk and laugh.

*************************************************************************************

“Darling are you alright?!” The man was tied up and hanging upside down from a rope attached to a crane. He could just make out his wife, Ms. Wonderfuls who was lying on her back with a large monstrous beast-man creature on top of her who seemed to be about to put his impossibly large penis into his wife’s pussy. “Darling? Can you hear me, love? Who would have thought our little jaunt to the grocery store would have ended up in an ambush, eh? Ummm, are you sure you can handle that, er, I mean this situation, dear?”

“Ah-ah- not now sweetie mommy’s busy working,” Ms. Wonderfuls held up a condom in its wrapper and smiled at the monster, “condom?” The creature snarled and she tossed the condom away, “I use up more condoms that way,” and she wrapped her arms around the bull like creatures neck and raised up her hips and legs and wrapped them around the muscular creatures small waist as it started hammering her pussy.

“Ah, honey? Are you sure you’re alright?” The man frowned over at his wife and the large best madly humping away on top of her.

“What? Oh yes I am fine. I am OH so good right now. Oh so very, very good.” She slapped her ankle against the monsters tight square buttocks, “a little faster please.”

The man frowned and was about to speak again when suddenly the floor below him opened up. He looked down into a pit full of ravenous crocodiles. “Ah, sweets, not to be a bother but I could really use a hand here.”

“Ah-ah-ahhh, not now darling. Mommies very busy! Ahh I really like the way your balls slap my asssssssss!” Ms. Wonderfuls started sucking on the creature’s long tongue.

The crane lurched to life and started to slowly lower him into the pit. “Yes, my beloved, I can see you are very busy engaging that ruffian but I really do seem to be in some danger here!” he squirmed in his bonds to no avail.

Ms. Wonderfuls had turned herself over and was now being savagely fucked by the monster doggie style, “I am afraid you are going to have to wait, er, ah what was your name again? Oh right there now faster and deeper! Ohhh!”

“Simon! I am your husband Simon!”

“Ah-ah- OH GWAD! YES! Oh, listen, er, Cecile I will be with you in a minute alright. God’s sake what a whiner. I swear I can’t take him anywhere. Wanna try my asshole next big boy?! AH!”

“Simon! It’s Simon Baxter you twit! Agrah!”

*************************************************************************************

The man lay in the hospital bed in a full body cast with Ms. Wonderfuls at his side. “Are you in much pain dear?” Ms. Wonderfuls asked with a finger in her mouth and eyes wide with concern.

“Mumermuphumphmerm,” the man answered back through his bandages.

“Excuse me, time for Mr. Wonderfuls sponge bath,” a very sexy young nurse purred as she strutted into the room. The man’s eyes widened as the woman bent low next to his bed unveiling her satisfactory cleavage.

“Humph!” Ms. Wonderfuls crossed her arms under her own over spilling cleavage and frowned at the woman and then noticed the poking up bandaged erection of her husband with wide eyes of shock. “I don’t think so missy harlot!” And she grabbed the startled nurse and yanked her out of the room.

“But the patient must be bathed, ma’am,” the protesting nurse offered.

“Yeah, but not by you, you slattern whore!” And Ms. Wonderfuls put a boot to the woman’s posterior and punted her up the hallway. “I will wash my own man!” She said while looking back smiling at her husband who smiled back at her, or well his checks rose up above his bandages that covered his lower face so it looked like he was smiling.

Just then the belt buckle with the Ms. Wonderfuls logo on it began to blink and emit a beeping sound. “Uh oh, looks like the wonderfuls alert! Looks like the mayor needs me; I had heard his wife was going to be out of town this weekend. Well honey I will have to leave you for now. Hmmm, hope I have a few condoms left. Oh your bath, er, ah you!” The super heroine grabbed a janitor who was mopping the hallway floor and dragged him and his mop bucket into the hospital room. “This man needs to be washed now! Do you understand me!” and she let he man down from the collar choke she was applying so his feet touched the floor again and he nodded at the woman in open mouth fear. Who in turn looked back at her husband and winked, “I will probably be late, the commissioner likes to drop around for sloppy seconds, so don’t bother to wait up for me. Bye, honey, kiss kiss.”

With that the super stacked woman strutted out of the room in a whirlwind of flashing boobs and butt. The janitor scratched his head looked at the man in the bed and then dipped his mop into his bucket and slopped it up on the man’s body. The mop head got tangled up with the jutting up bandage bulge on the man’s crotch and the janitor yanked and tugged and yanked some more until with a grunt it pulled the mop head free with a snapping sound. The janitor bent over and recovered the item and looked back at the man lying red faced in the bed and the janitor’s eyes widened, “I will go get the glue out of my closet.” The janitor said and shuffled out of the room.

Two men in medical lab coats stopped in the open doorway to the room and peered in at the tear streaked red faced man in the bed. “Good grief! What happened to him?!” Whispered one man from behind his clipboard.

The other man leaned closer to the first man and whispered, “That’s the luckiest man alive. That’s Ms. Wonderfuls husband.”

“Lucky bastard,” the first man snarled and both men nodded flashing envious looks over their shoulders as they wandered off, while the man in the bed weakly raised up a bandaged thumb.  

The janitor limped back into the room, “almost out of the glue but I got my staple gun and some clamps. You got blue cross and blue shield don’t you? Cause I don’t take any of that Obama crap.”

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************