Buffy The Vampire Slayer:
Thanks For Taking Care Of My Body, Faith Part 4 - Making Amends
(no sex)
by GoolCaptain (goolcaptain@aol.com)

"Goddam! And I thought Buffy and Joyce were hot!" Faith cradled an exhausted
Dawn, her head resting on her chest. Faith marvelled at Dawn's beauty. She
was just so gorgeous. She'd always wanted a little sister and now she had
one. And a real mom and big sister too. They all lived in a nice safe home
together and they all loved and cared for each other. She just couldn't be
happier.

Dawn awoke and looked Faith in the eyes, resting her head between her
breasts. Faith stroked Dawn's hair with her hand and gazed back at her. She'd
noticed that Buffy and Joyce were always doing this, couldn't keep their
hands off Dawn's dark, lustrous locks. Feeling them glide through her fingers
she realised why.

"What was your first time?" Dawn asked her innocently.

Faith went cold.

"What do you mean?" her tone was brittle, pained.

Dawn gazed at her curiously, aware that she had touched a nerve. "Who was
your first?"

"He was Prince Charming ok? He carried me away on his horse to his castle and
we made love on a golden bedsilksilks. You happy?" she threw Dawn off and
stormed from the room.

They found her lying on the bed in Buffy's room gazing into space. She tried
to shrug them off but Buffy's slayer-strength was a match for her own and she
couldn't resist Dawn and Joyce at the same time. She lay there, trapped in
their all-consuming hug, her body rigid with tension.

"Who was your first?" Dawn repeated.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Faith shouted. "I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME! HE WAS JUST SOME GUY
MOM KNEW!"

They lay there in silence as she collected herself. Joyce spoke first. "It's
ok, we're here. You can tell us, you can tell us anything."

She spoke haltingly, her voice cracking. "Mom always used to bring people
home, friends she used hang around with and get drunk. They used to get me
to dance for them. I liked dancing..."

"You liked them paying attention to you" Buffy finished her sentence.

Faith nodded.

"She sold you didn't she...?"

"YES, SHE SOLD ME OK! SHE SOLD HER 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO THE FIRST GUY WHO
OFFERED HER MONEY TO BUY BOOZE! OK!? HAPPY NOW? HAPPY WITH YOUR PERFECT MOM
AND YOUR PERFECT SISTER AND FRIENDS AND YOUR PERFECT HOME AND LOVING
BOYFRIEND AND WONDERFUL LIFE AND EVERYTHING!"

She began to sob. They took turns to dry her tears. "That's why you like me
to punish you isn't it?" Joyce asked. "You feel guilty about what you did?"

Faith nodded through her tears.

"You weren't to blame, Faith" Dawn told her. "Yore were just a kid, you
were younger than I am now. It wasn't your fault. If it happened to me, if
I enjoyed the attention and the sex and the intimacy you wouldn't blame me
would you?"

"No, of course not! You would be helpless. It wouldn't be your choice" Faith
seemed shocked by the idea.

"Then why blame yourself?"

Faith was silent.

"You told me your mom was an alcoholic" Buffy stroked her cheek. "She loved
you Faith, she just had a sickness that's all. She did the best she could."

"How would you know?" Faith retorted, her anger rising again.

"What mother doesn't love her daughter?" Joyce asked. She leaned over and
kissed Buffy, then Dawn, then Faith on the forehead, each closing their eyes
in rapture as she did so. "She loved you as I do, as we all do. But she
couldn't even care for herself, never mind a child. People are human Faith,
they fall. You fell and we forgave you. You've got to forgive her."

"You've got to forgive yourself" Dawn told her.

"Mom never hugged me" Faith told her, shaking. "Those people she sold me to
were the only ones who ever held me. When I played tag with the other kids
I used to allow myself to get caught because it felt as though they were
hugging me."

"Did you ever try to hug her?" Buffy asked.

"No...no, I couldn't, I just couldn't..."

"Because it was too intimate" Joyce stated. "You couldn't let yourself go,
you couldn't open up and expose yourself like that could you? You'd be too
vulnerable if you did that."

"Yes" Faith nodded.

"That's how she felt too. You did the best you could and so did she. It was
just the circumstances, it wasn't your fault. It was just the world."

Dawn clutched her tightly. "You have us now. And she did hold you. On the day
you were born she held you in her arms. You know she did."


Faith took a series of deep breaths. She stared at the ceiling. "I forgive
her. I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry and I forgive you. I love you. And I know you
loved me."

"Was it your fault?" Dawn asked.

Faith shook her head. "No, it was never my fault, I was just a kid. It was
their fault. They shouldn't have done that to a child. No one should. But
I'm past them now. They can't hurt me anymore."

Faith lay there, a great weight of agony lifted from her shoulders. Around
her her family clustered, enveloping her in their arms with a love that would
last long after the world made their physical embrace end. A love that would
last forever.

* * *

"How do you find the defendant?"

"Guilty."

Faith closed her eyes. She felt Buffy, Dawn and Joyce hug their arms around
her.

She couldn't get them all. She couldn't remember even half of them. But this
made three. It was something.

It was enough.

It was a miracle that they'd got this much. Some where dead. Some were
already in prison. Some the statute of limitations had run already run out
on. None were being tried for what they'd done to her, too much time had
passed. But all had been in possession of child pornography and Faith had
convinced some of their more recent victims to testify. She shared a
triumphal, relieved look with them, half a dozen tearful girls and boys
dotted with their famillies and foster parents around the courtroom. It
was amazing what you could do when you set your mind to it. And when you
had some help from your family.

And your friends.

Especially when your friends were private detectives.

She looked past Buffy, Dawn and Joyce over to the back of the public gallery
where the staff of Angel investigations stood watching, Cordelia and Doyle
holding hands, Kate, Gunn and Fred high-fiving each other whilst Angel and
Lorne lurked by the door, Lorne in his fedroa disguise. Faith smiled at Angel
who was brooding a little less today. He returned it with a warmth that
suggested he should do it more often.

She turned back to the courtroom and watched as the guards shackled her
childhood abuser then led the convicted man away from the defendants box and
back to the cells to await sentencing. Broken, pathetic, dejected. She knew
then and there that he would pay for what he had done to her, done to her and
all the others. And that he would never hurt anyone again.

It said much for Faith's loss of anger that she could actually feel sorry for
him.

* * *

One more thing to do.

Joyce parked the hire car by the edge of the cemetary. Faith got out and
hesitated for a moment before Dawn handed her the flowers. Buffy gave her a
little squeeze of the hand. Faith gave them all a nervous smile and then
parted from them and walked off by herself. For this she had to do alone.
Buffy, Joyce and Dawn were her new life, her new family. But first she had
to say goodbye to the old.

The inscription was plain. Mary LeHane and her dates. A pauper's grave. Faith
wondered if she could get something carved onto the stone but she genuinely
had no idea what she would wish to say.

She rested her hand on the top of the tombstone and placed the flowers onto
her mother's grave. There were no words. It was enough that she had simply
come.

* * *

"Weren't you afraid the horse would hurt you?" Buffy inquired agog.

Faith shrugged. "I guess sometimes passion overwhelms good sense. Still,
that's my adventures as a stable girl. What about you?"

"I was magicians' assistant in Vegas for a couple of weeks. I was undercover,
scoping out a demonic casino in town."

"Hey, Cordy and I were game show hostesses on 'The Price is Right' for a
month when we were on the run."

"You were on the run and you decided to become game show hostesses?"

"I'm not saying it was the smartest move. Anyway, can you beat that?"

"I spent a summer as the upstairs maid for this millionaire arms dealer in
Beverley Hills. He'd have me lie naked on the buffet table during dinner
parties and the guests would eat sushi off me with chopsticks."

"Wasn't that a bit sticky?"

"Yeah and I smelt of fish for the next week. I also spent a couple of months
as a pop music groupie."

"Hip-hop or heavy metal?" Faith asked.

"Bit of both. Check out MTV you can still see me in some of the videos."

"Cordy and I seduced an entire Broadway chorus line, gay guys and all."

"Phantom?"

"Wicked."

"I spent a year as a slave girl in a demon prince's harem."

For once Faith was speechless. It was Buffy's turn to shrug. "It was whole
time travel alternate universe thing, a year there was only a few minutes
here. By the time they sent me back I was the chief mistress of the palace."

"Ok, you win" Faith conceded "Explain the whole Dawn thing to me again."

She sipped her hot chocolate as she and Buffy lay splayed on top of each
other in their bed.

Buffy sighed. "Dawn didn't actually exist. That's why she wasn't around when
you were fucking every single person in my life!"

"So she wasn't at Girl Scout Camp?" Faith was lounging around in Buffy's
oversized Sunnydale High football team T-shirt. She'd been entrirely correct
in her guess as to how Buffy had obtained it, she had indeed sucked one of
the team off underneath the audience stands of the football pitch. But Buffy
wasn't going to admit that to Faith. Especailly as the player in question had
been Larry.

"Well, she was and she wasn't" Buffy explained, still trying to make sense of
it herself.

Faith shook her head. "This makes my brain hurt. I think we should just
accept that little sis was always here."

"That's probably for the best."

"Were you able to make up for all the time you lost at college?"

"No but I fucked all my professors and they passed me anyway."

Faith nodded and flipped through Buffy's prized edition of Teen Talent.

"Boy!" she observed. "You sure had some fun in my body!"

Buffy grinned "Not as much fun as you had in mine" She wondered what Faith
would make of the DVD of 'Space Sluts from Beyond Part 4' she had bought her
for her birthday. She hoped she appreciated the porn name she had picked for
her, 'Leigh O'Boston'.

"Anyway" Faith remarked, turning the page "I didn't fuck every single person
in your life. I didn't fuck Giles.Guess I played out the older man thing with
the Mayor."

Buffy seemed suddenly distracted, spilling a few drops of hot chocolate on
the black lace teddy she was wearing. "No you didn't."

Faith stared at Buffy, struck by her odd tone of voice.

"Did you?" she inquired.

Buffy blushed, hiding her face by taking a sip of her drink.